the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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