the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
