try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
