he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
