Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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