textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
