i already hear my dad disowning me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
