I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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