What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
