This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
