I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
