batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
