I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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