I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Shame - the story of my life.
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