So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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