I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
