So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
