shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
