I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
