you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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