is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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