My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
