Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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