Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
