Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and she was petting her beer can
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
