Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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