You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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