I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
