You can't special order awesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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