I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
