One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
