awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
