Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
