So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
