so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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