just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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