Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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