I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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