the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
