I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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