i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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