We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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