Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
