I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how drunk are you?
Several
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
