Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
