Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
