also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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