just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
