He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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