get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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