you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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