Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
