It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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