we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
