It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
